Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
