the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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