my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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