I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
