What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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