I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
