did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
honey bunches of taint.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
