Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
