4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
