My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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