He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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