Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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