Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
