How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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