don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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