Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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