The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
