How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
