We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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