It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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