Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
