in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
