saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
