well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
