There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
