I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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