found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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