HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I did not marry a roomba.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
