they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
