The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
