The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
