the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
