you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
