im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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