need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
