do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
