My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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