I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
