I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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