Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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