im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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