i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
