We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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