3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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