no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
