bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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