No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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