What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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