you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
