Just cropdusted the office
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
