So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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