So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
