can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
