"it" just moved
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sext me about skeletons
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
