last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
