New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
