TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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