im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize