I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
