we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
