my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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