Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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