Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
