I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize