Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
