We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
