I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
