I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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