Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
