whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Buhtt sex?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
