just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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