Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
