from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
