i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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