how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
