is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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